An official deadpan presentation of Bingus Corp · human resources
Bingus Corp intranet Buy
Personnel File // EMP-2020 // status: active

The most
professional
cat in the room He wears a suit. He attends meetings. He does not know he is a cat. $BINGUS.

A hairless cat in a slightly wrong tweed suit, employed full time, taking it deathly seriously. This page is his file.

Buy on pump.fun Follow on X
Contract G3bXGoiNcgYqNgBqpbiy9ABsfDhwpoFQWypRtKfpump
Reception // offer a handshake
he returns a firm, professional handshake.
Bingus
Senior Vice President of Sitting Still
"pleasure doing business."
Bingus, a hairless cat, standing stiffly in a brown tweed suit

Employee Record

form 27-B // personnel

He arrived one morning in a tweed suit, sat down, and began working. Nobody asked questions. The suit does not fit. The face is a hairless cat. Payroll has him down as a Senior Analyst.

Legal nameBingus (no surname on file)
Species, self-reported"regional manager"
Supply1,000,000,000 $BINGUS. one for each stapler.
Compensationequity only. he declined the company desk.
Teamnone on file. team allocation was returned unopened.
Contractrenews itself. liquidity filed with pump.fun.

// fields transcribed from a laminated badge found at reception. accuracy not guaranteed.

Performance Review

Q3 // annual cycle
quarterly metrics, self-assessed, unverified
MetricTargetActual
Meetings attendedas neededall of them
Words spoken in meetingssome0
Emails sentreasonable0
Times blinked at desknormal2
Chairs occupied11
Paperclips alignednot required1,204
Composure maintained100%100%
Still employedideallyyes
manager's note // do not distribute

Exceeds expectations at being present. Does not participate. Does not leave. When addressed directly he holds eye contact for the entire conversation and slightly longer.

Recommend promotion. Recommend we stop trying to understand it.

· Management
Approved

Credentials

wall // framed by reception

Certified Professional

self-certified. framed anyway. nobody checked.

Safety Compliance

unaware of the policy. compliant by accident.

Employee of the Month

every month. no other nominees applied.

Notary of Handshakes

the seal is real. the authority is not.

Onboarding

new hire checklist // how to join

  1. Get a wallet

    Phantom takes two minutes. he waited too.

  2. Add some SOL

    fund it. petty cash is not provided.

  3. Open pump.fun

    paste the contract, confirm the buy.

  4. Hold your position

    sit still. maintain composure. attend the meetings.

Buy on pump.fun orientation is self-guided. he will not greet you.

Frequently Unanswered

internal memo
Is it a cat?+

The badge says Senior Analyst. We are not going to be the ones to correct it.

Does he know?+

No. Please do not tell him. Morale is fine as it is.

What is on the calendar?+

Meetings. He attends every one and says nothing. The calendar is full through next quarter.

Why is he dressed like that?+

The suit was already on when he arrived. It has never come off. It does not fit. This is not discussed.

What does $BINGUS actually do?+

It is a cat in a suit, listed on pump.fun. That is the entire memo. You have read the memo.